Lashens: An Ashens and Guru Larry Fanfic.
There are some things in life that I just can’t comprehend, no matter how hard I try. I’ve been through wars since starting up a YouTube channel, I’ve had fights with proxies and ended up in bed with my male next door neighbor who I hadn’t previously met. I’ve also been on a quest for the rare GameChild. You think after going through this I would be a strong person who can tackle anything, but today something unexplainable happened to me. Something that I can’t quite deal with emotionally (or physically for that matter) …
This morning at 9am I had a call from a mental health institution. At first I was confused until the nurse told me that the call was regarding my friend Larry. I’d almost forgotten that he’d been admitted to the institution after trying to kill people for beating him at Donkey Kong. Larry is a large guy who is also good at computer games, he’s not the type of guy I’d advise anyone to mess with. The last time I’d seen Larry was when I was on the quest for the GameChild. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Larry’s mental health nurse called me to ask whether Larry could stay with me for a while as it was his release date but his parents had gone off on holiday. I agreed to let Larry stay with me until his parents returned home and said that I’d be at the hospital by midday.
For the remainder of the morning I sat and reflected on what had happened in my life since my best friend had been admitted to the hospital. The whole year without Larry seemed more like five years. I concluded that in the past twelve months I’d come to the realization that 1) PoundLand is actually my favourite place, 2) I’m the only collector of obsolete tat in the country, with the exception of Nemesis who just wants what I want because he’s a spoilt brat and 3) Splitting up with my ex-girlfriend had an impact on me, in the sense that I began to leave Double Dragon in the oven and not use said oven for weeks on end. My life has certainly changed quite a bit since Larry was admitted to hospital, but I imagine that his life has changed quite a bit too.
At around 11am I made my way to the hospital, but before I did I left a note for my flat mate Jeffrey Excellence, just in case he arrived home and wondered where I was. Jeffrey never switches his phone on, which is a big annoyance when I desperately want to get in touch with him. I ran to the station as my phone was telling me that there was a train due in 10 minutes. I got to the station and purchased my ticket just in time. The journey was quiet and almost nobody boarded the train whilst I was on it. Thirty minutes later I arrived at the hospital, I was a little bit early so I decided to look in the shop next door to the hospital for a present to give to Larry. I bought Larry some Maltesers and then booked in at the hospital reception.
Just after noon, Larry came to hospital reception with two nurses. He stood tall wearing an orange overall, the smile on his face was enormous. Larry told me that he had been banned from consuming caffeine for the past year, so we mutually decided to go to a coffee shop on our way home, this gave us time to catch up too. I had much to tell Larry about my Quest for The GameChild and he had much to tell me about his horrid stay at the hospital.
After our coffee and catch up we made our way back to my house. Jeffrey Excellence still hadn’t arrived home, so we decided to take my Poodle, Oscar for a walk in the local park. This is where things start to become emotional for me when recalling today’s events. About half way through the walk we both sat on the bench for a rest. Suddenly Larry put his arm around me. As he’d only just came out of hospital and was adapting to the outside world again, I thought that he just needed a friend, so I put my arm around him too and gave him a friendly tap on the back. Before I realised, Larry was hugging me and then attempted to kiss me. I gave him a gentle push of resistance and asked Larry why he had tried to kiss me. He looked at me with puppy dog eyes and explained that we could be the next online OTP (one true pairing to people who are not familiar with internet speak). We could be Lashens and girls would love us. I’m not sure why, but in my head I agreed with Larry and proceeded to kiss him back, only it wasn’t just a gentle kiss, it was a deep snog and I actually enjoyed it. The kiss physically turned me on but I eventually stopped when I realised that I was in a public park during the day time. As we both came up for air, Larry smiled but said “don’t speak of this again, but I do think that nature will take its cause”. I smiled at Larry and then we both decided to head back home as Jeffrey was cooking this evening.
On the walk home I got the feeling that what had happened in the park was just wrong. I’d questioned my sexuality as a teenager and was pretty sure that I was only interested in woman, yet Larry turned me on so much. Had I really just got a boner for my best friend or a boner at the thought that kissing my friend would get me lots of fangirls? Either way, the events really confused me and I still feel confused now.
When I got home I barely talked to Larry. Jeffrey Excellence made dinner for the three of us. Microwaved pasta and sauce as usual, but we all enjoyed it nevertheless. I’m going to bed now and hopefully tomorrow I will wake up and my life will be back to normal. No straight best friend who has a gay crush on me and no failed chef who makes a living advertising processed food and a wide range of bags (and by that I mean Jeffrey, I forgot to mention that he is the one and only Chef Excellence).